That Longing..

My heart’s beating rapidly again. As the music swelled and later eased into the coda, my heartbeat continued to race. Their motions were parallel to each other but the music finally came to an end, as did my rapid heartbeat. Every once in a while, I’d stumble across something that reminds me of it and I become oh so slightly depressed again.

It’s at times like these that I begin to wonder, did I lose something that I’ve loved so greatly for the better part of my life by quitting? I sure as hell hope not, but every now and again I’m reminded that it is fading away. Fast. And it scares me shitless.

I miss it; I really do miss it. I miss everything about it, everything, even the pain it put me through, the tears and the aches, it’s silly, I know, but I miss that too, the pain.

Reality takes part in our dreams now, and I haven’t forgotten, that’s why I let it go to start with but there’s just a part of me that wishes it doesn’t have to be. There’s a part of me that wishes I was strong enough and held on though I was never truly good enough at it, there’s a part of me that just wished I held on tighter and fought.

But its normal isn’t it, this longing? It’s an ordinary human condition isn’t it, to long for something that was once loved and lost? I don’t know; I really don’t know, I just know that I miss it, I really truly do.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller


One Response

  1. Assuming i got this right and i’m thinking what you’re thinking, then yeah i get those days all the time, i know the feeling. I’ve lost it, almost all gone now, it’s been nearly 4 years.. Don’t lose it if you can, if it’s possible take it up again, cause i’d say it’s too precious to throw away. =) And you *were* darn good at it okay, probably still are. =)not too long till you get your license, maybe you can stop missing it then? =)

    and for the record, i don’t think it’s silly that you miss the pain. I know how that feels too. =)

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