I’m Okay With That.

Okay you’ll see that I’m angry a lot here, and miserable a lot, and confused a lot and depressed a lot. But I’m also happy a lot too, you just don’t see it here because I can’t write about being happy.

I know what you’re thinking, how can you not be able to write about such a simple feeling?

But that’s just the thing. When you’re angry or scared or confused or sad or any other emotion in the book, it’s easy to explain it, cause there are so many words and emotions that come into play, such a wide range of vocabulary and sensations you can express, and to overly analyse the situation and go into meticulous detailing of it and clearly enunciate each emotion.

But when you’re happy, you’re just happy, you can’t write about it, you can’t explain it, you just.. Feel it.

I mean really, how do you explain that sensation you get when you wake up and it’s another day and the weather is beautiful and you hear the birds chirping cheerily outside your window? How do you put to words that stir of feeling bubbling, warm and fuzzy inside you when you see lovers well.. in love, gazing at each other smiling, sharing a secret joke? How do you explain the rush you feel when you open a present and it’s exactly what you want?

It’s one of those things that you can’t reach out to, and you can’t clarify it because you can see it, or touch it. You just.. Feel it.

Each time I stare at the computer screen trying to think of how to describe a certain twang of happiness pulling at me, I just can’t, because it’s one of those things that the more you reach out to it, the more it evades you. And I don’t try to spell out that feeling because I don’t want to ruin it.

Because if I can’t be good enough in pin pointing exactly how that.. uplifting sensation feels, then I don’t want to. Because it’s too important to me. And I don’t want to lose it.

So yeah, I’m angry a lot, I’m depressed a lot, I’m miserable a lot, but I’m also happy a lot, content a lot, but I’m okay with it because I’m human and it’s part of being human, we feel. And I’m okay with that.

“To be nobody- but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”
E.E. Cummings

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3 Responses

  1. I think it’s easy to write when we’re sad or pissed off, because writing’s a way of letting things out when it all gets too much to handle.

    But excess Happy never requires an outlet. We all want to keep as much Happy as we possibly can 🙂

  2. you see, to express happy you can go like “i am happy”…

    walah! xD

  3. Elyse: mm hmm.. happy is good.. =)

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