Make A Wish.

I realize how I always talk about giving up, I do, don’t I? But almost always I never actually get to doing it. Why because I’m too damned bloody stubborn, so no matter how much I want to, sometimes, I just can’t let go. I think it’s like a whole new level of obsession that they have to invent to describe me really. And like my new year’s resolution ’08, To believe more, I find it terribly hard to keep to, but I try nonetheless, not wanting to give up even when it’s already 9 months into the new year and that tree ain’t bearing any fruit for me, cause I want to believe that it is still possible to believe, I want to hold on just that little bit longer because I want to know it can be.

So yeah, I talk about giving up a lot, I whine a lot, I complain, I bitch and I bitch some more, but I hold on nonetheless, refusing to quit even when I keep saying I want to or can’t hold on any more. I think in a way we all do, because we all want to believe more, to want to trust in the possibility of something, to be able to have faith that if you open your heart to the possibility of something and wish for it enough it can come true.

So.. I suppose it was what hurt the most the other day, because I wanted to have that bit of faith that it can be, and it is possible cause you know yeah, sometimes life’s a bitch but if you hold on and you’ll shine cause you were just born to be great, and be something and I wanted to believe that I wasn’t the only one who believed in me, and I hoped against hope that you saw that in me too, though I didn’t always see that in myself, I wanted, or maybe needed that bit of comfort, assurance, I don’t know exactly, and I’m not quiet sure what happened either, but to sum it up I think I over-analyzed, you obliviously misinterpreted, I misunderstood, you apologized [without knowing what you did wrong I must add] and I explained. Quiet a boat we have here this Friend Ship we share eh.?

But anyway, for those who don’t understand what happened up there [points to paragraph above], I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to find a way to believe again. It’s one heck of a long winded way of saying it but yea..

“Make a wish and place it in your heart…
Anything you want, everything you want…
Do you have it..?
Good…
Now believe it can come true…
You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from…
The next smile… The next wish come true…
But if you believe that it’s right around the corner…
And you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it…
To the certainty of it…
You just might get the thing you’re wishing for…
The world is full of magic you just have to believe in it…
So make your wish…
Do you have it..?
Good..
Now believe in it…
With all your heart.”
One Tree Hill Ep#513 Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace

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