Indignantly Rational?

Once we touched down onto homeland Malaysia, the dark clouds loomed ahead signaling that a storm was to come, well not exactly a storm, maybe just some hint of a rain, and some sultry sticky breeze, but you get my point. Anyway, grand welcome this country gives doesn’t it? As soon as we landed, it was clear that there were no sunny days ahead for me. For one, the project which totally slipped my mind on the day we left had slipped back in for not the first time since I remembered it.

And then I find out that in my absence, my team members can absolutely not function. Fan-Freaking-Tastic. And then, taking the blame, with tail between my legs and off my high horse, I apologized and asked for a postponed due date from the lecturer. It was the best move that could have been done, it was no where near ready to be presented. Granted, I worked my ass off on it with what little extra time we were given. And then, with some degree of irresponsibility, having not only not done anything at all to contribute for the project, this one particular team member doesn’t show up. Again, hat in hand, I take the bullet for the group, apologized and was just short of groveling when that remark was thrown at me.

And so, now, I am indignant. Yes. Indignant. Not because it’s untrue, but because the callous remark was used without proper imploration. Because the remark was true, yes, but, only but to an extent, not entirely correct, but not the whole truth either, with the other factors resulting in my actions and/or inactions which was so highly critiqued upon being excluded entirely. So yes, I’m offended, and once again, pissed the hell off.

Hah.. Okay, so rant over. And now that I’ve calmed off, albeit just slightly, I shall be rational now.

So maybe it might not have been that bad, I may have exaggerated a little [let’s be generous with the term a little] I always do, haven’t you read enough to know tat already? So the other team members did put in their fair amount of sweat and hard work, but to be completely put to blame for the presentation not being ready on time, or being accused of being overly domineering to want to shoulder the entire project by myself rejecting everyone else’s work is just one that I will not take lying down. I admit, at times I may have been assertive for what I believe is best which in most cases were of my own work, but it’s not like it is my fault exclusively, if I was to be disagreed with and provided with valid arguments, I’d take it dignifiedly.

Now I think I’ve to remind myself that I’m rationalizing and not trying to place blame. I suppose, what holds true is, we were all at fault. And the lack of unity and information sharing within the group was clearly the biggest mistake. I say ‘the’ biggest because it wasn’t just me, but everybody in the team as well, and ‘our’ would sound as though we were in very much of a unity, which I must add, we are most definitely not as of this moment.

So yeah, none of us were blameless, we all have our faults.

And I realize that having put this one up will probably prod on more than several toes, but I always believe that you should say what you think and be who you are because the ones that care won’t matter and the ones that do won’t care. I want to be honest here, as honest as I can be and open with my thoughts, because if I can’t then what the hell is the point of this blog right here? People believe in suffering in silence, but I disagree, I think that’s total bull, and I was just gonnna keep my mouth shut and let it go, but that’s just not me, that is some Merchant Ivory movie, where people do that thing where they suffer in silence, and you’re supposed to be so impressed by their restraint and their strength, but well, you know what, screw that. I can’t do it. And if you’ve a problem with it, screw you too. Because sometimes it’s just better to get it out. Letting it fester unknown to the world is just no good although I’ll admit sometimes it’s what I do, when I feel so hopeless and bleak, and nothing in the world can make me spill the beans at those times, because I’m just so dark and twisty inside. But as you would have guessed this is just not one of those times. And I’m gonna bitch till my heart’s content.

Phewh.. Okay, so I think I’m done here. I think I’ve officially filled out my daily bitch rant quota, actually, I think I’ve made up the quota for the entire duration of my hiatus, of which I will explain to what that was about. Cause I.. *drumroll for dramatic effect* was in Europe! *cue for gasp and applause!*

Yup. I really truly was.

Paris was great. And London was equally as fantastic. I’ll post the pictures, as promised, when my sis uploads the pictures. Okay, that was an excuse, I have a fair share in my cell, but I haven’t uploaded those either, and besides, I think this post has been long enough what with my bitchiness and ranting and then recanting to rationalize. But anyway, the other reason for my hiatus was that my virus infested lap top has been acting like a total spaz and died on me, so.. Yeah..

But anyway, onto happyfying things, Paris and London were absolutely fantastic! I love love loved it. One of my favorite moments which I am about to share with here is as my usual end quote is when we were on a ferry, doing a sight seeing tour from Big Ben, past the eye of London, past the London Bridge and to the Tower Bridge. He started the cruise by asking if there were any clients on board from various countries to confirm we all understood English.

He then asked if there were any Americans on board, some people said yes, and he stated that he’ll speak reaaally slooowly then, which was received well with some sporting laughs.

At the end, he finished his commentary with ‘.. If you enjoyed the commentary, then express it the old fashioned way if you wish, by dropping any amount of money into the silver bucket placed by the exit. That is if you understood me. *pause* My wife doesn’t.. *sigh*’

Life tosses you amusing people like that sometimes. And funny guy he was. I liked him so much I dropped a pound in the bucket when I left. And before you say anything, I’m not really a tipper, I usually leave the coins (cause I can!), and only the coins when the change comes off the bill, so one pound was really generous of me!

“… And on or right here is the national theatre, opened by the Queen herself in year .. When it opened, Prince Charles commented that it looked like a nuclear plant. I’m inclined to agree with him. But then again, he doesn’t quiet like many of the new buildings in London. I think he prefers the older things in life …”


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