I Think I Just Blasphemed.

It was callous. It was callous and rude and.. And just so fucking out-of-context…!. And before you say anything, yes, I said fucking. And yes, I’m aware I said it again. Cause right now I’m abandoning ship and stripping off all thoughts of decorum right now because I just cannot find it in me to give a shit.

Because apart from my laddening course work that seem to multiply with each passing second and the my whole other non course work related work (which yes, I know, I brought onto myself) and the ghosts of Christmas past haunting me and my other issues I’ve to deal with and the childish petty melodrama I have in my life right now, I do not need this. Not now and as a matter of fact, thinking about it, it’s not something that I need.. Ever!

I do not need to be reminded of my shortcomings and how imperfect I am and how I pale in comparison. I do not need to be reminded of everything I’m not and how she’s smart and gorgeous and fan-freaking-tastically perfect cause I know okay! I bloody know! Her presence hovering over me in my everyday life is a reminder enough and I do not need to be told further of how I fall short at everything comparatively. Least of all by you.

She’s perfect, yeah, and I suck, I get it, no more salt please. Thank you!

*Sigh..

I wish I could be less bothered by things like this. I just wish I were one of those people who can shrug things off with a witty comment. I wish I were one of those people who could throw a killer right hook with words. Like Obama who retorted to Sarah Palins accusation by saying that, and I’m paraphrasing here, he’s been called worse on the basketball court and it’s really not that big a deal. I wish I still have it in me to deal with all this. But I’m exhausted. Physically and mentally drained. Not just from today. But from everyday for the past two weeks.

Today it all just got too much. Because today was not a good day to start with. (Or rather yesterday cause technically today’s not not ‘today’ anymore) But anyhow. It started bad. And then it got worse. And worse. And worse… And then I went boom. Exploded over the computer keypad.

So you’ll just have to forgive the muddled-ness. And the incoherency. And the profanities. Cause you know one of those times when you just feel that life is screwing with you? Well.. Yea, I’m going through one of those right now.

It’s just.. This place has become just so claustrophobic lately.

And I keep feeling the urge to just… get out. And get.. Away. From everything.

But I can’t. And they just all began to pile up. And today. It all came crumbling down.

Clearly God knew this was coming and saw an opportunity.

I bet He’s up there having a good guffaw about this.

I’m not up for hashing out ugly details right now. I just wanna wallow. Leave me be….

“This is a terrible divine joke.”

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2 Responses

  1. I’m the usual! 😀 Awwww.

    (yes, I know you meant the quote, but let me bask in my self-awarded glory for a moment)

    Anyway, I’m glad we talked last night 🙂 It was good. 6 hours to spill 6-months worth. Let’s not wait another 6 months, okay.

  2. No no.. No six more months.. Promise! *wink! Haha..

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