I Wonder..

I wonder why the possibility of losing someone makes them more attractive.

I wonder whether Ryann or Kyle would make a cooler name for a girl.

I wonder what the hell happened to Lucas’s conviction when he said ‘I’m the guy for you, Brooke Davis’

I wonder if it should just end at 23 or the planned 33.

I wonder what Chuck was thinking when he left Blair after she said ‘I love you,’

I wonder if I should stick to Irvine or come up with something else.

I wonder if Barney will ever act on the ‘feelings’ he has.

I wonder whether joining is a good idea at all seeing how obsessed I’m becoming.

I wonder when my life became so engrossed with TV and the ridiculous ficlets I write.

I wonder what is going on with me and whether I’m still living My life when MY mind is so full with all this crap that has no direct contact with me or my life.

It’s the holidays and I’ve been doing a lot of catching up with the TV that I’ve missed out on and the abandoned ideas and stories that were half written before my last semester started which had led to me deciding to join the MPH Alliance bank short story writing thing, so I suppose I’m allowed to be a little off cause that’s just what holidays dos to me, it drives me completely and utterly off the wall in midst of the nothing-to-do-ness but the thing is, I do have better things to do and to wonder about that has things to do with Me and my REAL life, things that affect me, literally, like

When the bloody retards who start drilling ceremoniously at 8 AM every bloody day will ever bloody stop.

Or where the flip I’m going to be doing my Supervised Work Experience.

Or how I feel about being General Secretary instead of what I initially aimed for being.

Or whether people like Nick are getting my hopes way too high on this short story writing thing.

Or which direction should I take after completing my diploma.

Or whether I’m in over my head with competition, I mean it Is the adults category.

Or what the flip I’m gonna do next year when daddy wants to retire.

Or which field of Events Management I wanna be in, corporate in-house planners, hotel in house planners, government events, production houses, wedding planers, non-profit organization planners, and a dozen more other different areas of specialization that I should know and have considered but instead my mind goes on overdrive on all the other sorts of rubbish.

You know, I’m trying to figure out when things got so screwed up in my head. I mean, I wake up with that inane pain in the ass drilling and my head’s all full and I’m compelled to remember the very first episode of Grey’s which I watched God knows how many years ago where Meredith says ‘It’s called thinking, go with it,’ but the thinking that’s being done and the thinking that Should be done are so different, simply sloshing around being really really screwed up so I can’t exactly just ‘go with it,’ now can I?

So I wonder if I’m way too bored or just going insane cause I’m starting to wonder about too much and they’re starting not to make sense anymore and the idea of me thinking I may be going nuts contradicts the whole ‘Crazy people don’t know they’re crazy’ theory so you know what I’ll just shut up now.

“Normal’s not normal if you’re not normal.”
House M.D.

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