Handling Complaints.

For all the people who complained that I don’t update often enough.. See the things I do for you people? *Sigh..

And this is after me having one of those very pissy-fying days where nothing goes right and you get home and you’re all huffy and pissy and have no idea who you are or what you’re doing? Yeah, I just had one of those. Or rather, I’ve been having quiet a lot of those.

In all honesty, lately, I’ve been getting this urge to shut off and barricade myself into a small bubble of alone-ness and just stay there. I don’t know how obvious it is but I hide it well enough I suppose. Hanging out and working with the council people trying to balance that with the course work of an Events student is kinda a handful. It keeps me entertained and busy, and keeping myself busy and entertained keeps unwanted thoughts at bay. But somehow, the thoughts keep creeping up anyway.

I’m good at suppressing things I don’t like. In my head. But I can’t really keep it far from mind anymore. Not when it’s getting blatantly obvious. I’m in over my head here. This was a joke. I was definitely kidding myself when I convinced myself that I could do it. That it’s doable. Attainable.

Oh, the lies I tell myself.

But it’s just, this sort of like a primeval instinct that rises within me when a challenge is thrown to my face. I just.. Hate it.. So Much.. When people tell me what I CAN’T do and I just have to do it, it’s like when you’re in the jungle and you bump into a bear and obviously, the smart thing to do is lie down, not move and play dead but me, I’d probably move and get myself killed because knowing that there’s something that I can’t do, just because I can’t is just as bad as killing me you know what I mean?

Oh good Lord, I don’t even know what I mean right now. I am so drifting.

And I’m losing time. Gosh, I’m so screwed.

And lately, I’ve been missing a certain individual so much that it’s not even funny. I sound like a lovesick puppy! But the fact is, I miss Us so much. What happened between then and now? Where you had my back and I had yours. Where we blabbed about everything and anything? Now we barely speak. We don’t see each other. And the occasional texts and e mails even are exchanged when help is needed and we only take a few short seconds of forced happiness with what the little time we’re lending each other. And I say lending cause that’s what it feels like. It’s not time spent with each other, but time borrowed that has to be returned.

And I miss all my girls so much too. But life happens. Timetables clash and moments we share now dwindle down to a bare minimum.

And I’m also wondering if me being able to write morbid and morose and dark and gloomy is awesome or just a very sad singular talent. I mean, maybe that’s just me being ‘safe’ cause that’s what I know to write. And maybe that’s why my second entry for the competition is a little stuck cause it’s not broody, or angsty or morbid.

“A cardinal rule of writing: if your work’s too safe, do something dangerous.”


One Response

  1. “girls” are here! lolz.

    u can come over to my place anytime and talk lah! tell ur mom u need to print something LMAO.

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