Un-Okay.

Because I am just THAT easy to read, people can just tell when there’s something off with me. More off than usual I suppose. Even more off than when I am very obviously sleep deprived. (And that’s Wa-a-a-ay Off) And so, they’d just constantly ask if I’m “okay”, or if I feel “okay”, or if everything is “okay”. There are days where I try keeping track of the number of times the word ‘okay’ is used. I believe I once got to twelve before I lost count.

I used to say, “No, not really,” because I was naively honest, and didn’t care much for lying especially to people who can read you and care enough to ask. But nowadays, I find that more often than not, I’d nod while biting back a grimace at the truth of the word. Because in the practical, literal sense of the word, I AM okay. I’m not great. I could probably be happier in whatever circumstance. But much like a disgruntled multiple amputee, I’m okay in the sense that I’m still technically alive and breathing and therefore can’t complain very much.

But sometimes, it doesn’t feel that way, because sometimes it doesn’t feel okay, however physically okay you are. So sometimes, when asked, I really wish I could say, “Yea, I’m fine,” and mean it. Just some things that are on my mind. Back to International Marketing it is..

“And I deal with all that by being like a perfectionist. But that’s okay.”
J.Lo

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