Days.

There are good days. And then there are bad days.

Good days are when I don’t think of you.

Bad days are when I do. And hate myself for ever forgetting to.

Did you know that this is what would’ve happened? That you’d be stuck so inherently on our minds. On MY mind?

I keep going back. I keep going back over everything.

I never believed you. I never wanted to believe you. Because believing would mean I felt it was a possibility. That I could fathom the extremes that you’d resort to. And how could I even think that?

Is this your way of punishing me? Us? Us who listened but didn’t hear? 

Or was this your way of punishing you?

Was this how you thought would unfetter me/us from your burden?

Or was this how you thought you could liberate you?

I keep going back. I just keep going back. I have a first good day in a week. And then I go back.

Why?

Why did you do it?

Why was this the only way to you?

I keep going back. My mind just keeps going back to these questions. Unanswered questions. Questions that probe more questions and strip me from peace of mind.

What am I supposed to do?

What was I supposed to have done differently?

Was there anything to have been done differently?

I keep going back.

I think I blame me.

But then again, I think I blame you. I think I blame you for not trying harder, not fighting harder, not being stronger.

How?

How could you do it?

How could you be so selfish?

How am I supposed to accept this?

I keep going back. I keep going back and I don’t know what’s worse; hating you, or thinking that I hate you when I don’t actually know who I hate right now; me, you, or the people who drove you to killing yourself.

“A person should want to live, if only out of curiosity.”

Advertisements

There are no comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: