2012, Please Be Worth It.

Here’s the mandatory ‘By Golly Gee Whiz, what a year it’s been!!’ post. And yes, this is me trying to be not so much of a pain in the ass despairing realist by spewing hopeful words of wainbows and butterflies, jumping onto the whole ‘new year, new start’ bandwagon.

So, where to start. From the beginning then. 2011. What can I say? 2011 has been a year of change for me. But then again, every year has been a year of change for me. And I find myself being such a fool who can barely keep up. Such a stumbling, bumbling idiot, tripping over her own feet. And it’s just so difficult because everyday I yearn to find myself amidst the rubble because I don’t know what I am anymore.

Last year, like a certain song that touched me so much, I vowed to get up and go. I vowed to move on. I vowed to let things go and not spend my whole life holding on. Clearly, yet again at the end of the year, I am not the person I promised I would be at the beginning year.

Letting go isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Having the courage to ensure I can pick myself up and move on is not what I envisioned it to be like. Not even a little. Not even at all. And so, I relapsed into many a thing that I vowed to let go and move on from, because you’re never as strong as you would have yourself believe. I’ve learned that the hard way.

But I digress. I kind of do that a lot. Back to it, where was I? Right. 2011.

2011 has been such a tidal wave of change for me, yet again. It has been a year of many firsts, many revelations, many adventures, many hurts and many pains. But what is life without them, right? And for 2012, I hope that the changes that roll around surely as they will, will be worth it.

I hope that I will hurt more (but not too much pleasekthanks) and grow stronger from them even more. That I will keep dreaming hard enough and persevere for the dreams to exist in my waking world. That I will be patient and make mistakes and be able to admit them and learn from them and move on better than I have this year. That I will breathe, and love, and live.

And most of all, I hope that for you too, you reading this. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, however you’re hurting, whomever you may be missing.

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold.” 
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King


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