Faded Directions.

It took being away from the person I normally was, the skin I’m normally in, the people I’m normally around and in a completely different environment and air for me to realize that sometimes things are just out of your control.

No matter how hard you try, sometimes it’s just not going to work out.

And it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that all that time and effort were wasted because it was all for nothing. Because ultimately, no matter how hard you pushed on, no matter how hard you tried or hoped, it didn’t change anything.

No matter what bullshit psychobabble people spout to lessen the blow with their ‘at least you tried’ and ‘take it as a lesson for next time’ it will hurt like nothing ever did before because you will know it was all for nothing. You wasted time trying to change something that could never have been changed anyway.

And at the end of the day, it sucks. And it will continue to suck knowing that it was all just.. for nothing. Not one thing.

“And I quit. I give up. Nothing’s good enough for anybody else it seems. When I’m by myself nobody else can say goodbye.”
Circle Of Friends, Edie Brickell

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